My friends (and probably me as well) have complained about the guys we meet and/or date here in Cincinnati. Most of the guys we have dated since the college days we have met out in the bar scene. These meetings are typically infused with alcohol, loud music, and obnoxious friends. (Not exactly the best circumstances to get to know someone.) Instead, everything is pretty much based on physical attraction, which you should know is not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've posted some links for those of you who are also interested in meeting people outside of the bar scene. My parents always tell me to go to church more often. (Ugh!) Although, now that I think about it, my friend Natalie and I went to St. Mary's once and there were a few lookers there. Unfortunately, we had to dip out early so there were no conversation opportunities. My parents might be on to something. Who wants to go to church with me this Sunday? Mwahaha.
I have an idea in my head of what I think is sexy, but I decided to google it and see what came up "What is sexy?"
Here's how one website defined sexy:
Image: A person who is sexy would have a high self-image, and others would view them as having so. Face it, someone who doesn't groom, brush their teeth, use underarm deodorant, etc... would not be very sexy to most people.
Confidence: Simply stated, someone who is sexy needs to be confident. They have to believe in what they are doing. Someone with no confidence in himself or herself allows themselves to be easily abused by others, which is not sexy.
Attitude: Someone sexy, in a sense, also has a good outlook on life. They can also take some helpful criticism and get something out of it. No one wants to be around a negative person. sexytester
Just how we don't all like the same "type" we probably define sexy in different ways. I think that site above was vague enough to cover most grounds. I think sexy is confidence without cockiness, looking put together without looking like you're trying too hard, and have an infectious personality and smile.
--As for the clip below...I just think that movie is hilarious. The clip is pretty relevant as well.
Watching The Bachelorette tonight and seeing the guys' crazy antics got me thinking about first dates. I've had some really great dates in my life, a lot of so-so ones, and a few really bad and/or awkward ones. (The clip is a priceless one of Kasey from Ali's season.)
Here's Some Examples of Great Dates I've Been On:
--Cincinnati Museum Center and Dinner, I love museums and that it wasn't a bland idea, although I ended up not really being attracted to this guy, it was a really fun date!
--Play at the Cincinnati Shakespeare Company, Not only was it creative, but I also love theater.
--Wine and Cooking Me Dinner, This is great for a guy who knows how to cook (Although I believe it was a second date--I wouldn't recommend it for a first).
--Coffee and Dessert at a Small Coffee Shop, Although it was a more low-key first date, there was less pressure and it was different.
Most of the bad dates I've been on haven't necessarily been because of the place we went (although they were usually dinner and maybe a movie dates). The dates were terrible because of the person's behavior.
Here's Some Examples of Bad First Date Situations:
--The guy (who I'd only met once before the date) tried to invite himself as the plus one to a wedding I'm in and to an event he knew I was attending. I then tried to make a joke about it as a way out saying "Haha we'll see." He then proceeded to push the topic. (Gag!)
--I went with a guy to dinner and afterwards he used a coupon when he went to pay and then told me I owed him dinner next time. A few minutes later he mentioned he's commitment-phobic. (Run!)
--The guy was literally so shy that I sat in silence for a bit of time before struggling to start up another conversation. He also started sweating profusely. (Uhhh.)
--I went to dinner with a guy (right after I got out of a relationship) who was pretty much just a friend to me (he insisted I go). He showed up with 3 boxes of Godiva chocolates...and then kept trying to force feed me glasses of wine at dinner.
The best dates I've been on have been with people who try to bring out their best characteristics without being phony. There's also some things that should just not ever be brought up on a first date (exes, wanting to get married in a year, being commitment-phobic, hating anything--hate is a strong word for a first date, politics). You will most likely not be asked or agreed to a second date (at least by me). I don't know why some people are in such a hurry. Take your time to get to know someone and let them take their time to get to know you (the real you). It'll all come out eventually. :-P
I don't like to spend a fortune on beauty products because if the drugstore ones work well for me, then why waste the money? Here are a few of my favorite products (You'll find every single one of these in my room):
Author and counselor, Gary Chapman found that people feel loved and express love in different ways. Most of us have 1-2 primary "love languages".
The Five Love Languages include: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Receiving Gifts.
I took the assessment and was actually somewhat surprised to have gotten "Quality Time" as my primary Love Language. It does explain a lot about why my most recent relationship failed (ouch). Quality Time
"In Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful."
My second highest scored one was "Physical Touch" which I was not at all surprised by. I love hugs and signs of affection.
Physical Touch
"This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive."
Gary Chapman explains in the book "The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition", that you can learn what your significant other's love language is and then apply what you learn about the languages to make them feel even more loved. They can in turn, then do the same for you. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is single, dating, or in a relationship.
For my NYs resolution this past year I decided to give up tanning cold turkey. I have not gone tanning in over 4 months...not even once. Prior to my NYs resolution I had been tanning almost every day and getting a spray tan almost every weekend. Not only was it expensive ($46/month for tanning, $11 for a spray tan upgrade, $60 bottle of tanning lotion), but I also started to notice some signs of premature aging over time. Ewwwww! Once I noticed the signs of aging I rushed out to Walgreens and bought anti-wrinkle cream (for 40 year olds) and started using it after each time I tanned. One day shortly after that I realized I had a tanning addiction to myself, "this is ridiculously counterproductive. I should probably just stop tanning." That's when I realized I had become...TANOREXIC!
There have been studies that show that tanning can in fact be addictive. Like running, tanning causes your body to release endorphins. The links above discuss studies that found people who quit tanning reported increased anxiety. Though tanning does has some benefits, the consequences outweigh them by far. There are ways to get the same benefits with healthier options: 1) Exercise also causes your body to release endorphins, 2) Multi-vitamins, certain foods and/or 15 minutes of sunscreen protected sunlight will supply you with the same amount of Vitamin D, 3) Self-tanners or Spray tans will also give you a nice glow. I use L'oreal sublime bronze gel. I think the color looks natural and it is very modestly priced. I actually like the way I look better now than when I was Tanorexic. L'Oreal Paris Sublime Bronze Tinted Self-Tanning Lotion, Deep, 5-Fluid Ounce
Some of my friends continue to go tanning even though they are aware of the harm it can do. I don't think anything of them doing that as I'm not one to judge nor tell people what to do. Plus, just like alcohol and alcoholism not everyone who tans is tanorexic. I'm glad I stopped tanning though because I'm keeping my skin healthy and making my mom and younger sisters happy. They had been worried about it for years, but it took me a while to wise up and get past the vanity of it all. If you keep tanning that's your choice, but hopefully this article at least got you thinking about it.
"Just like it’s tricky to divide people into being ‘good’ or bad’, it’s difficult to spend your time trying to measure up someone’s intentions. The truth is that we only have to really go around playing Columbo about someone’s intentions when we seek to make excuses for them, to deny the reality of them, or to find a way to let them back into our lives with more intentions. We also just don’t want to think that we have been involved with someone who in their heart of heart didn’t have the greatest of intentions – we think it reflects on us." --Baggage Reclaim
Don't you wish people had signs on them at all times that said what they wanted in reference to relationships, or maybe Facebook would re-add the "Looking For" item ? It would probably save me and many others some time in the long run (I'm joking about the FB part). I don't know how many times I've run into the situation when I've liked a guy who also liked me back, but they weren't "looking for a relationship". Of course they didn't tell me that piece until after I became slightly to moderately attached and starting to have the slightest expectation. It's then that they realized "OH MY GOD she actually respects herself. Crap, I guess I better tell her I'm Mr. Unavailable." I'm sure this happens to men as well, but I believe that particular wishy washy behavior is much more common in men. *(Sorry guys--not my intention to sound like bashing, but I can only speak for my own experiences with your gender.)
Almost every single ex-bf of mine (since high school) has later contacted me again after being broken up. (Most of them try -some successfully and some unsuccessfully- to get me back in their life in some respect). I am sure I'm not off base in assuming that this happens pretty frequently with others' exes as well (at least at some point after the break-up).
"You can bet the bank on it – give an ex-boyfriend long enough and he will always come back around. And more than likely it will happen right at the very second that you finally get over him. It’s like a weird male antenna that receives a signal that you’re not hung up on him anymore and his fingers are suddenly drawn to his phone like a moth to a flame. “She’s not crying into her pillow every night anymore! I better call and remind her why she was crying in the first place!” If he didn't make it past your past, he’s certainly not worthy of your future." --The Single Woman
At first, it's difficult for me to determine the motivation for exes trying to bounce back into my life. Do they want to try dating again? Do they want to be friends? Is it even possible to be friends? I'm not one of those people who wants to be friends with an ex. Cordial, yes, but not BFFs. I have enough good friends in my life that I don't need to turn him into a good friend. If you need to be friends with an ex, you either 1) need to find yourself some more friends, or 2) you are struggling with insecurity and need some sort of validation that you're a good person, or are still well-liked and/or possibly holding on to the chance that he might change his mind, etc. I don't mean any ill will towards those of you who do have friends who are exes. I know that just like in the movie "He's Just Not That Into You", there are always going to be Exceptions; However, most of us are The Rule.
What do you think about people's intentions in dating? I promise the next post will be comical. This was a tad on the dark side...but Ryan Phillippe is hot though, right? Colorblind [Explicit]
Can you guess which one is me? Hint...it looks almost nothing like me now.
My mom is one of my best friends and confidantes so this day is especially great to show my appreciation for her. She (and my father) raised 6 children (now ages 16-28) and that in its own I think makes her a saint. She always puts our needs first even though she suffers from Fibromyalgia (info). For Mother's Day we got her two new comfortable bed pillows, a dozen roses, a gift card to Panera and made her a huge breakfast. All of those things are signs of our appreciation for her, but none of it is even close to what she's done for us the other 364 days of the year. My mom is even subscribed to my blog. Haha. Thanks Mom and I hope you're enjoying your day!
They're still in love (most of the time haha) after almost 30 years of marriage (30 yrs in June).
My mom's little rascals who are not so little anymore (but still rascals).
Take the time to appreciate your mom's today and remember those who have lost their mothers. Happy Mother's Day!
So here's a topic that a few years ago I wouldn't have even considered: Asking a guy out. I am all for equality and everything, but I feel much more comfortable with traditional gender roles. I used to tell my friends that "I don't call guys." I'd still say I don't really call guys I'm interested in unless 1) I'm returning a call or 2) We're already an official item. Some people might think this is a little outdated and/or silly, but this is my choice. I won't judge you for yours. (Well maybe if you're uber clingy and call guys several times in a row until they answer. In that case I'd probably give you some gentle input.)
I am a huge advocate of the "flirt until they realize I like them" play. It might not be the most effective or timely, but who said I was in a hurry anyway? (Okay that's sort of a lie because if I really like someone I get very impatient until they make a move. They likely wouldn't know because all of my complaining is to my friends.)
Even though I've never actually asked a guy out, there have been times when I have somewhat put myself out there. I can't say it has elicited the best response because I am a true believer that guys like at least some chase whether or not they would actually admit to that. If a guy likes you, no matter how shy he is, he will find a way to ask you out on a date or at least a causal hangout (until he gets enough good vibes from you to ask you out). When girls use the excuse for calling him or asking a guy out because "he's so shy" or "maybe he doesn't know I like him". I just want to roll my eyes. I've definitely used the excuse in the past, but these days regardless of how much it may sting, I've tried to be much more honest with myself. Not every guy you like is going to like you or be at the same place as you or be emotionally stable, etc. I'm a firm believer and practicer of optimism, but there's a difference in remaining positive and being straight up delusional.
Since I've never asked a guy out I can't really speak from experience on how that goes for women. So here's something fun I might try to do as an experiment and let you all know how it goes. I will actually ask a guy out on a date. (Gasp!) I do not have anyone in particular in mind, but it could either be someone I meet in the next week or someone I already know. This is going to be a major challenge for me, but I think it'll be fun and quite possibly a learning experience. Once I actually go through with asking someone I will report on how it goes and if I actually go out with them. I promise I won't cheat and ask a guy friend to hang out or something like that. Cheers!
Yesterday I had a vocal lesson for the first time in almost 6 years. I'm singing Ave Maria at my friend's wedding so it gave me an excuse to visit my old vocal coach. After my lesson I was in such a great mood. I was thinking about it today and realized I was so enthused about singing again because 1) It used to be such a large part of my life and 2) because it is a great creative outlet for me. For me, singing almost gives me the same high that I get from running. Love it!
I think the real reason I created this blog is because I'm tired of my days just blending together. I want to express myself in a way that doesn't involve alcohol. I feel like so much of what is different about the week other than work involves drinking. Sure, I like to go out and party with my friends, but I would like to have an outlet that is mine (and is much more healthy than drinking regularly). From elementary school, high school, and college most of us are involved in several organizations. I especially liked to keep busy in everything from cheerleading, to leadership council, singing, honor societies, etc. Yes, I've enjoyed having more free time since working in the "real world": go to work, work out, go out, watch movie, bed. It's just way too boring to me to do the same thing all the time. I need other things to release all of my creative energy.
I believe in some ways that the monotonous type of schedule may be the cause of many mid-life crises. That 40-something man/woman wakes up one day wondering where all of the time went. I'd like the spend my life experiencing new things and breaking up the almost inevitable cycle. Who wants to join me? Haha.
This might not be the most articulate article I've written and is probably all over the place, but I hope you at least get the gist of what I'm trying to say. Live life to its fullest. Oh, and don't end up like Peter Gibbons (Office Space).
Truth #1You'll regret that "Just wanted to make sure you got my last message" follow-up to an e-mail, text, or voicemail.
Truth #2 If you don't feel comfortable having a conversation with a guy about sex — especially condoms — you shouldn't be getting busy with him.
Truth #3 If a man breaks up with you out of the blue, the out-of-the-blue part is really only on your end.
Truth #4Just as it's best to wait to drop the L-bomb until your man does, let a guy change his Facebook status to "in a relationship" before you do.
Truth #5 No woman in a healthy long-term relationship has ever said, "Gee, I really wish I'd slept with my man sooner."
Truth #6 Keeping a change of clothes at work in case of an emergency walk of shame isn't optimistic behavior...it's career-savvy.
Truth #7 When a guy repeatedly refers to his exes as "crazy," "psycho," or "sluts," he will use those same words against you one day.
Truth #8 If a relationship feels like too much work after the first month, it'll be 10 times harder a year from now.
Truth #9 A guy who rates you or other girls as a number from 1 to 10 is a loser, even if he gives you a 10. You're a woman, not county fair livestock.
Truth #10 A guy who talks about how skilled he is in the sack is like a man who brags about his money. Either way, he ain't got it. The kind of man you want to be with knows that actions speak louder than words. And thankfully, there are plenty of those types out there! 10 Truths You Shouldn't Ignore --Cosmo
Do you ever find yourself either at the end of the relationship or during a relationship thinking...okay why didn't I notice these red flags before? I certainly have. There have been times where I've noticed a red flag with a bull charging at me and I still ignored it (or at least tried to).
Most of the truths above are very prevalent in relationships (I highlighted my favorites). For instance, do not, DO NOT send someone a "?" if they have not responded to you in a while. It makes it look like you've been waiting by your phone for their response. Even if you have, at least appear not to be by not sending that message or a message like "You there?" If they were available to respond or wanted to respond they probably would. Let it be, make yourself busy, and if they call/text you back, then great! If not, at least you didn't waste more time than what necessary on someone not worthy of it.
