When I say "date more than one person at a time" I mean: Non-exclusively hanging out or going on dates with more than one person during the same time period (NOT having more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at the same time). I tend to be a bit torn on this subject, primarily because I'm so darn picky that finding more than one guy I like at the same time is pretty rare. I won't say I haven't dated more than one person at a time, but it's certainly not a hobby of mine.
What are your thoughts on the subject? I thought I'd post about it and see what others think rather than give much of my opinion. Maybe if there's a good comment I'll respond with my opinion. ;)
No joke...I happened to stumble upon my high school blog--which only a select number of people even knew it existed (and I plan to keep it that way). The 17 year old me inspired 25 year old me. A quote from my HS blog post: Obviously this is not realistic. Its just funny because a lot of them actually apply to some people. (It must be something of my mom's but I thought it was funny)
10 Rules for Avoiding Intimacy
1. Don't Talk--Basic rule for avoiding intimacy. If you have to talk, don't talk about anything meaningful. Talk about things like the stock market, the weather, school--anything but feelings.
2. Never Show Your Feelings--Showing your feelings is almost as bad as talking because feelings are ways of communicating. The best thing to do is to remain expressionless. 3. Always Be Pleasant--Always smile and be friendly even when something is bothering you. You'll be surprised at how this will prevent you from being intimate.
4. Always Win--Never compromise even if their point of view may be as good as yours. If you start compromising it may be a sign that you care about their feelings. 5. Always Keep Busy--If you keep busy at school or work you won't have to be around them. This method is especially effective because you can make them feel unimportant in your life without even talking! 6. Always Be Right--There is nothing worse than being wrong because it is an indication that you are human. If you admit you are wrong you may have to admit they are right and that will make them as good as you. If they are as good as you then you might have to start taking them into consideration.
7. Never Argue--If you argue, you may begin to realize you two are different. If you are different you may have to talk about the differences to make adjustments, and if u make adjustments you may have to tell them who you really are and what you really feel. 8. Make Them Guess What You Want--Never tell them what you want. This way if they guess and they are wrong, then they really don't understand or love you. If they did love you, they would already know what you want without asking. 9. Always Look Out for Number One--Remember, you are number one. All relationships exist in order to fulfill your needs and no one else's. If they cannot satisfy your needs they are narcissistic, after all, YOU are the one making the sacrifices in the relationship.
10. Keep the Television On--Keep the television on at all times. It keeps you from having to communicate. And you are trying to avoid all communication so this works well. --These cracked me up. Thanks mom for sending me this in a chain email when I was 17 years old.
There is more to life than increasing its speed. - Gandhi
This is the first time since Senior Year of college when I have felt so overwhelmed with everything I have to do that I never feel like I'm caught up. There have been points since then when I have been incredibly bored because I didn't feel like I was doing enough outside of work. Here I am now...back to how I felt in college.
I have a tendency to say yes far too often and feel guilty in the times I do say no. That leaves me a giant ball of stress. I'm sure many of you out there can relate. I actually created this post originally two weeks ago, but haven't had a clear enough mind to write. I've done some research and even practiced most of these techniques over the past couple weeks.
Why We Get Overwhelmed
I think the tendency for most of us is to say “yes” to most of the things coming into our lives. Maybe it’s that we’re too nice to say no. Maybe it’s that we are overly optimistic about how much we can get done. Maybe we don’t want to look bad by saying we can’t do something. Or maybe we’re afraid to miss out on opportunities by saying no.
Saying “no” to any commitments we can’t handle would be ideal, of course, but like I said, we usually have a tendency to say “yes” to more than we can actually handle. And we become overwhelmed, stressed, and exhausted.
As you know, simplicity is the key to my philosophy. If things get complicated, I say you should simplify. Don’t try to do more. Reduce.
The Effects of Stress and Overload We all know that too much stress is bad for us. Sure, you can’t avoid stress completely, and without some stress we would never grow. But too much stress? It leads to problems.
Stress leads to many health problems, for example: headaches, muscle aches in your shoulders, neck, back … it ages you prematurely, leads to ulcers, heartburn, high blood pressure, heart disease, overeating and more. Not a pretty picture.
But there’s more. Overloading yourself also leads to decreased effectiveness. Taking on too much means we don’t do as good a job with the work we attempt. We often switch between tasks, jumping from one to another, so that we actually take longer to do things and often don’t complete tasks. Or we’re so rushed with the tasks we do complete that quality suffers.
In General:
1. Step Out. You can’t get away from feeling overwhelmed from a place of overwhelming confusion. You have to step away to be able to view your circumstances from a fresh perspective. Move to a different room, get up from your desk, sit in a different chair, go out for a walk or go sit in a café. Stepping out from the current situation and changing your physicality will help you gain clarity, and shift you away from the overwhelmed state of mind.
2. “What is Most Important?” When we are feeling overwhelmed, our mind becomes clouded by the task at hand, and by the thoughts that cause us to feel stressed in the first place. When you step out, ask yourself, what is the most important thing for me? How do I want to feel?
Many times, we get so caught up in the doing, that we forget why we are doing it. Instead of being busy doing and then hoping that it will lead us to what we want, start with asking, “How do I want to feel?” And then focus on feeling that way. Then ask, “What is important to me?” And then focus on doing things that are important to you, instead of lots of unimportant tasks that overwhelm you.
3. Journaling. Whenever we are feeling overwhelmed, there is likely a lot going on inside our head. The best thing to do is to dump these thoughts out through writing what’s on your mind. Grab a pen and a piece of paper, or a notebook, and start jotting down everything that is in your mind. Write without editing, and write out every thought. Remember to not worry about keeping things looking neat and perfect. This will limit our freedom to dump whatever we want onto paper, both junk that’s keeping us feeling overwhelmed and helpful creative ideas.
4. Asking for Help and Allow Help.You’d be amazed at how many people are willing to help. Often, we are the problem that is disallowing help from happening through our limited thinking. We think they will say no, and so we don’t ask.
Just ask, and be open to receiving what others are willing to provide. You never know what will happen. Just think,what’s the worst thing that can happen? They say no. Not a big deal.
5. Creating Boundaries. Time is our most precious commodity. It is the only resource that is un-renewable. So spend it wisely and consciously. How much alone time do you need to re-charge? How much do you want to engage in creative pursuits?
Once you’ve decided what’s important and how long you want to spend, create boundaries around important activities and do not budge with any incoming distractions. Do not allow unimportant noise and activities to creep in.
It’s true that I cannot answer every email that comes in, or get to every chore on my list. But it is ok. I realized that I am not obligated todo anything, and that I am in control. I designed my life and have the freedom to create the rules.
6. Shut Out Noise. When we feel overwhelmed, it feels comforting to do something mindless to unwind and relax, like watching TV, reading the news or browsing the Internet. What we forget during this time is that the extra information that comes in becomes noise that further clusters our already overwhelmed state of mind.
The best thing we can do for ourselves when we come home feeling overwhelmed is to leave the TV and computer off. Do something that slows our mind down. Consider reading something that expands our consciousness, or close our eyes for 30 minutes in silent meditation. Sit back and listen to some smoothing music, or engage in a creative project that is meaningful to you.
7. Bedtime Ritual. The state in which we go to sleep is the state in which we wake up. Doing things that quiet your mind instead of cluttering it will help you sleep more settled and wake up feeling more refreshed.
One thing I do before bed that’s been incredibly beneficial to me is the ritual of gratitude. I start by asking myself, “What are my favorite parts of the day? What did I enjoy about today?” Then I give appreciation for the things, people and circumstances in my life that make me happy.Think Simple Now
At Work:
1. Step back. In order to make the decisions necessary for cutting back, you need to take a few minutes to clear your head and think. Stop whatever you’re doing (or if you can’t, then schedule 30 minutes for sometime today), and take some time to consider everything you have going on. Take a walk to clear your head if necessary. Get some fresh air.
2. List everything. Make a list of all your tasks and projects (or one list for each if you like). Put everything on there, including personal stuff, civic commitments, everything. In order to make good decisions, you’ll have to see everything at once.
3. Set limits. It may seem impossible, but if you set limits for yourself, you will be forced to choose only the essential. The actual limits aren’t as important as the act of setting them at this point — you can adjust the limits later depending on what works for you. I recommend you choose just 3 important tasks to accomplish today, and limit yourself to only 3 projects.
4. Prioritize. Once you’ve set the limits, you can take a look at your long list of tasks and projects, and choose which ones you’re going to focus on. Which tasks and projects are the most essential? NOT the most urgent, but the ones that will get you the most long-term benefit. Which ones will have the most impact? Often some tasks and projects will seem urgent, but it’s only in our head.
5. Eliminate. Of the tasks and projects you didn’t choose as your top priorities … are there any that can be just eliminated? Any that you can put on a someday list? Any that can be delegated or automated? You don’t need to do everything on your list — slash it mercilessly.
6. Renegotiate commitments. Of the stuff you decide not to do now, but can’t just eliminate or delegate … you’ll need to renegotiate them. Go to the person or people you’ve committed yourself to, whether that be a boss or a client or a team or a spouse or friend, and tell them honestly that you just cannot do everything on your plate right now, and ask for a different deadline or timeline. Can they wait a week? A month? Set a new date, and try to stick to it.
7. Take time off. This step is optional, of course, but if you can possibly take a day or half a day or even several days to relax and recuperate, that’s the best possible scenario. That will mean renegotiating everything on your list, probably, so that you don’t feel stressed while taking time out or overwhelmed when you get back. Push everything back a week, two weeks, or a month, depending on the commitment, so that you don’t have anything urgent when you get back. Then take time off, and don’t do any work. Don’t even think about work. Do that when you get back — upon returning to work, take at least 30-60 minutes to prioritize and plan so that you can focus on your most important projects and not be overwhelmed. Zen Habits
I have absolutely no trouble with finding inspiration. I even have 7 posts in my inbox in draft mode with titles, pictures, videos, etc. I just haven't had the motivation to write my little blurbs. I'm actually surprised I was able to sit and write all of this. I think I need a vacation. I promise I'll finish at least one of those unfinished posts by sometime next week. I'm aiming low.
What would Michael Scott do?
Press "play" to find out...or at least be entertained.
It's the right person, but the timing is off. The timing is right, but there's something missing with that person. Wrong time, right person, wrong fit, right time, wrong person...When does it all align?
As a currently single chick, I can't say I know exactly what the answer is--and to be honest I don't think really anyone can speak for everyone. As an intelligent human being though I guess it depends on a number of variables(maturity, emotional availability, security, etc.). One variable which I'm going to focus on in this post is timing--even more specifically--becoming involved with someone fresh out of a relationship.
"There’s an element of this situation that’s down to bad timing, but to blame it mostly on timing is to miss some glaring problems. Don’t get things twisted – they’re not under different circumstances and you’ve missed the one piece of information that deals a crushing blow to anything you have in mind - they’re not over their ex. It doesn’t matter whether it’s that they’re scared shitless of commitment or intimacy or whether they’re moping after their ex or creeping around behind your back having talks with them; they’re unavailable." Baggage Reclaim
Don't be the buffer in their transition from break-up confusion to singledom or even worse, their next relationship. I know they might say "you're not a rebound" or "I'm over them." That doesn't mean it's the truth. Sometimes, they're so confused they don't even know what they're feeling--and other times they're intentionally/unintentionally selfish and only thinking of themselves. It's up to you to break it off. Click here for my post on Fear of Committment!
"Unfortunately, we need time to process and heal to be truly available and when we don't, we use other people as emotional airbags." Baggage Reclaim
With all of that said, I will say that there are always exceptions. Furthermore, the romantic in me (that very small part) thinks that if it's the right person, timing won't matter. I didn't say it was the rational part in me. Click here for my post on Rom-Coms Giving Unrealistic Expectations!
I won't say who/what inspired this because often times my posts are based on my random thoughts or stories I hear from friends. I won't lie though--the ones that are most personal to me are the hardest for me to write and also probably the least witty. So take a guess which category this one fits under...Dun dun dun. ;)
A few words/phrases related to Grumpy: Grouchy, Crabby, Irritable, Sulky, Down in the Dumps, Pissy, Petulant, Cantankerous
So you're feeling one of those ways. Now what?
(1) Listen to music that is uplifting or reminds you of a happy memory. --My go to songs are either showtunes (ie Rent), nostalgic pop (ie NSYNC), hip hop (ie Waka Flocka Flame) or something ridiculously silly (ie Jump Smokers "Don't Be a Douchebag")
(2) Don’t let your blood sugar level go nuts. Feeling grumpy can often be avoided by taking a few minutes to eat something healthy for breakfast or eating a healthy protein such cheese as a snack. If you have to miss a meal, at least have a piece of fruit and drink enough water to stay well hydrated. --Or if you're me, maybe enjoy some Swedish Fish (probably not doctor recommended sugar though :-P ).
(3) Get enough sleep. Get to bed a half hour early tonight and set your alarm for an extra 10 minutes of snooze time in the morning for the next few days. --This is most definitely a problem area for me. I am a night owl even when I need to get up early. The result is not very pretty. Give me 20 minutes to indulge in some caffeine and I'm okay (also probably not doctor recommended).
(4) Ask a friend you can trust for a reality check. Allow yourself to vent about what is bothering you for 10 full minutes while your friend simply listens with no judgement or criticism. Verbalizing the problems that are bugging us can go a long way toward releasing pent up emotions that cause a grumpy mood. --My close girlfriends and I allow each other to take "crazy" time. Fortunately, we don't all experience it at the same time. Some days you just need to blab about everything that sucks. Afterwards, we usually try to cheer each other up.
(5) Get some exercise outside. A short walk allows us to get some exercise, exposure to sunlight, and time to clear our minds. --I find that a walk outside during my lunch break gives me just enough time to de-stress. Spinning classes at the gym also leave me feeling relaxed and accomplished.
(6) Plan a future activity that puts a smile on your face. Today might be a terrible day, but your mood will be uplifted just thinking about fun future plans! --This could be anything as small as planning a dinner date with a friend or a long weekend out of town somewhere or a vacation. Usually looking forward to the weekend is enough for me!
(7) Make a gratitude list. Don’t be surprised if you feel your grumpy mood lifting by the time you reach to 10. --There are times I'm in a bad mood and have forced myself to do this. I tend to just do this in my head. Chances are you are actually doing very well once you think about it.
There are so many other things you can do to cheer yourself up, but here's my list for now! Please feel free to leave comments with your ideas! :)
I was almost born in the car. My mom wanted my dad to pull over. Eventually, they made it to the hospital where they threw my mom in a room and a Resident caught me bare-handed.
I am a Gemini- "Geminis born June 14 combine a winning personality with a penetrating intelligence that is truly disarming. They are "idea" people. They aren't shy about expressing their opinions yet don't insist that people agree with them." TLC
My due date was June 6th. (I was late...surprise, surprise!)
My 5th birthday party was Barbie themed. (Shocking, huh?)
I got my belly-button pierced on my 15th birthday. (10 years ago--gosh I feel old now!)
My 5 Dating Non-Negotiables (Creation of list inspired by Patti Stanger of Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo--Click here for more information.)
High Integrity--Someone who know what their values are and lives up to them. Trust is huge for me and reciprocal trust is very important for a healthy relationship.
Family-Oriented--I have 5 siblings and my parents are still married. I'm not saying the person has to have parents who are still together, but if you are not close with your family, how can I expect you to want to be close with a family of your own? Or become close with my family? You don't have to be best friends, but it certainly makes life a lot easier if you are friendly with one another.
Ambitious/Confident--I am a very driven woman. I need to be with someone who isn't just a dreamer, but also a go-getter. That type of person keeps me wanting to challenge myself. Confidence is important in achieving your goals. I also added confidence because insecurity is an extreme turn off. Everyone has insecurities, but dating an insecure man makes me feel like the guy in the relationship. I like when someone is confident in who they are and what their value is without needing constant reassurance.
Great Sense of Humor--What can I say, I am a goofball. There are times to be serious and the rest of the time I would like to spend laughing.
Physical Attraction--I know this sounds terrible, but I have tried dating men who look great on paper and fulfill every other non-negotiable of mine. The demise of those relationships has been because I am not physically attracted to them. I'm not saying that they were unattractive, but I was just not feeling it. It made me feel shallow at first including this, but I had to honest with myself that it will not work out if that one is not there.
-Dating without a concrete idea of what type of person you are searching for is like impulse shopping at the grocery store without a list. You might end up with a lot of fun things in your cart but once you get home, you realize you forgot the essentials. -Be proactive and clear about the non-negotiable issues in order to maximize the effectiveness of and minimize the wasted time spent in the process of dating.
My 5 Dating Negotiables (I just did this to be silly--I know this guy doesn't exist--that's why they are called negotiables)
Loves Penguins as much as I do--If not, then he at least supports my love for penguins.
Quotes The Office frequently--He will have to in order to communicate with me.
Enjoys my Blog posts/Raps--if not, they will likely inspire one or more.
Karaokes with me--I would love to do a duet with someone who is not tone deaf and also not afraid to look like a fool.
Obsessed with giving Massages--I should specify that they are good massages...a girl can dream right?
If I could add a 6th Negotiable it'd be: Does a killer Blue Steel look.
The video makes me so happy! It's such an upbeat song.
I know the guys are young, but they're so adorable.
My surgery went well and I've been back at work for a week now. I'm almost recovered although I'm not allowed to dive in water (not that I was planning on it) for 2 months or exercise for 2 more weeks (bummer). I am so appreciative of the people who took care of me, visited me and brought/sent me things to pass the time. I am truly blessed to have such great family and friends. THANK YOU!
I had to include a Zoolander reference in here. *cough* *cough*
As people who know me personally and pretty well, I've been dealing with Chronic Sinusitis since October 2010 (so approximately 1.5 years). I have no history of sinus infections or allergies so it was pretty odd when I kept getting them.
Since October 2010, I've been on every antibiotic under the sun, steroids, nasal sprays, sinus rinses, tons of advil, and caffeine to keep me from sleeping due to the meds and not feeling well. I've had 3 ENTs (Ear Nose and Throat Specialist doctors), 2 Primary Care Physicians (my first one was an a-hole), 2 CT (CAT) scans, and 1 Allergist.
The ENTs all had their own theories: Allergies (no sir, got allergy tested and have ZERO allergies except to the German Cockroach--odd), Staph infection in my nose (this one thought I picked something up from one of the Cystic Fibrosis kids I work with at Children's...again--NOT it and kind of a far stretch), and Deviated Septum and Turbinates blocking (Ding Ding Ding--We've got a winner, ENT #3).
So here I am. Tomorrow I have to get surgery. I'm getting Septoplasty and Turbinectomy surgery. Yes, I know a lot of celebrities say "Oh I have a deviated septum" and come back out of it with a tiny little plastic surgery nose. Yeah, that's because they had a Rhinoplasty. Mine will not affect how my nose looks (sorry if you don't like mine. I do, so deal with it). An ENT is performing the surgery (not a plastic surgeon). My surgery will open up my nasal passages/straighten my septum and reduce the size of my turbinates so I'll be able to breathe more easily and not be prone to sinus infections as much.
I'm recovering atmy apartment. So when I'm not all loopy from the pain medications I'm going to watch The Office nonstop. I'm off work until next Wednesday (hoping for a quick recovery). I'm terrible at being lazy. Yes, I know it's not lazy if you're recovering from surgery, but I still get antsy. Now that I just said that watch me be in so much pain that I don't even know what day it is. I want to bounce back quickly because there's so many things I want to do next week!
Sorry if I put you to sleep, made you nauseous, or irritated you. I tried to add a little humor in here. I won't lie though--I'm freaking terrified to be put under anesthesia tomorrow and then wake up in pain. My next post will be much lighter and fun and not so personal. I PROMISE. This is just the only thing on my mind right now. :)
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